Innocent Kid

Scene one: 

Birthday party celebration of 5 year old Aryan.

Karan and Meera were very happy today. Their bundle of joy(Aryan) has completed four years today. They decided to throw a small party at home with their extended family and friends. There were some games planned for kids and some for adults, there were nice food, music. So in short everything was perfect and cozy. Every one gathered and party started on full boom. Happiness was all around, everyone was enjoying and chatting. And then suddenly whole happiness turned to embarrassment, shock. Oh you guys must be thinking what why? May be food is not tasty or power went off. Nope you are wrong. So what happened? Let me tell you in detail:

Every one sitting n drawing room and talking:

Karan to guests: Hey hope you guys are enjoying the party?

Guest 1/2 : Oh yeah it is awesome. We are loving it.

Meera : Lets play some game. Do you guys like Tambola or we can play dumb charades or whatever you suggest.

Guest : oh no these games are pretty boring, lets play something different.

Everyone goes on thinking mode.. and then our cute handsome birthday boy Aryan said:

Aryan : I know one new game which muma papa plays with Rahul uncle and Ankit Aunty. I have never seen that game but they say it is very good and they enjoy it pretty much. You guys all can play that.

Guest : Oh waw Aryan that sounds nice, we can try that, what game it is?

Aryan : “WIFE SWAPPING”

Everyone in the room : “WHAT”?????

Aryan : yes Papa says he loves this game, even Rahul uncle said the same thing.

Karan : Shut-up Aryan, what are you saying. Keep quite, you don’t know what you are talking about. I never said that.

Rahul Uncle : Yea these kids now a days make any kind of stories. I never said that too.

Megha (Rahul’s 4 year old daughter) : No papa I remember clearly,  you said that you play this game with uncle aunty.

Karan/Rahul : Ok Enough of it, lets have food and sleep. It is getting late.

OH OH what happened. Why did these poor kids lie? Or they didn’t, may be they are saying right. For finding out we need to travel little in past.

Flashback:

Scene 2 : 2 weeks before Aryan’s birthday 

Rahul  : Hey I am boared, lets go for a movie.

Ankita : Good idea, let me call Meera and check if they can join us too.

Ankita : Hey meera, we are planning to go for a movie, do you guys want to join.

Meera : Lovely idea, buy what should we do for Aryan and Megha, they will be bored in the theater.

Ankita : Ah no don’t worry, we will make them sit together and they can talk and enjoy with cold drinks.

Meera : Oh right they will love it.And sometime we adults also have rights to enjoy. We cant always sacrifice our happiness.

Ankita : Cool then, see you in movie hall.

Scene 3 : PVR cinemas

Parents are watching the movie very seriously and they are quite engaged in it, not even paying attention to what their kids are doing. Both kids are having their cold drinks and trying to understand the movie.

Aryan to his Karan : Papa ?

Karan : Don’t disturb me, we should not talk in between the movie.

Aryan again : Papa Papa?

Karan : hmm tell me what do you want?

Aryan : What is police uncle saying?  What is wife swapping?

Karan (Who didn’t even listened properly to his son) : Ah nothing its just a game. Now keep quite.

Aryan: Game waw, how do we play?

Karan : No kids cant play this, its an adult game. Now shhh.

Megha: Papa do you know about this game?

Rahul : hmmmm Game ? which game? Oh yes, I love this game. I play very often with Karan uncle. (Poor fellow he didn’t even know what his daughter was asking)

Megha : cool

Movie : “TalwarS”

So now all of you would have got that those innocent kids were not lying or making stories. They said what they heard. And all of you can imagine what others must be thinking about families.

Here is my question to all of us, was it justifiable to take those little kids to watch a movie which was not at all kid friendly and depressing? I personally know a family who went to watch a movie with a 5 year old and she got nightmares after that. Poor kid. I have always herd parents complaining about sacrificing their happiness because of kids. I just want to say come on guys “you knew what you are signing up for”. And there are other ways of finding happiness and enjoying.

For sake of our happiness we cant destroy the innocence of a kid. And it is not very tough to think about other people who genuinely come to watch movie and they have not at all signed up to see your kid throwing tantrum and parents roaming around in the hall.

Baby - Oh Should I go for it!!

Most hilarious line which you hear after marriage is “When are you going to give good news” from all possible elders in the world. It looks like they don’t consider wedding to be good enough and want better good news. For god sake we are just married and still dealing with this calamity and you want us to create another one.

Now imagine the scenario just after wedding bride and groom are taking blessings from the elders and one very old lady (sitting on the death bed) says my last wish is to see the child of yours. Everyone is so emotional and bride replies with teary big eyes “I knew you are going to ask for it, so I am already pregnant, now you don’t have to wait for long”, take it as a wedding gift. And the aunty dies with a heart attack. Good god people will be in dilemma whether to laugh or cry. Its like everyone expects a baby from a couple immediately after wedding but if you give them then they get a shock :-P

So in our tradition criteria for having baby is marriage that’s all. No one thinks through of such a life changing decision do they need a child or not.

Lets see some of the reasons in India of having a baby:

• Years of Marriage: I am still confused what is rationale behind number of years and having a baby. We decided to have a baby after 5 years of married life, but in those whole five years I continuously herd “Are shaadi ko X year ho gaye hain, when are we going to have good news”. And I always wanted to say how my baby is going to have good news for you, go ask your son/daughter or get it yourself. You anyways know how to make a baby. Such an irritating and embarrassing question to ask in front of ten people. And on top of it they try to suggest solutions for the problems which are not even there.

• A kid will make your life more entertaining: How on the earth a baby equates to entertainment I still don’t understand. Or may be they think changing diapers at 2 AM or looking at your toddler crying for no reason at 4 AM is fun.I mean seriously you bring a life to this world just to have some entertainment in your boring day. Why not simply go and watch a good movie and play bowling. I can guarantee that will prove to be much cheaper in long run .I understand making a kid is a fun activity but after that whole nine months hmmm I am really not sure. Also people make babies to resolve their marital differences, waw this is the worst we can do to a child. Nothing more traumatizing then seeing your parents fight .

• Biological clock is ticking: So basically we have a time bomb set in our bodies which may explode anytime, I didn’t know that. So have a baby before bomb explodes now only thing is having a baby itself costs a bomb ;-)

•  Who will take care of you when you old : ME …Its me who is going to take care of myself when I’ll become old or at max my husband because he signed up for it. I am dam sure my son will be living his life in another part of the world with his own activities. So have a child so that you don’t have to pay for an old age home /nurse/servant and your child can take care of your. Awesome thought. This is called really economical idea.

• Neighbors/Relatives  : Oops how I can forget such an important criteria “What will our relative think, its been 5 years of marriage and we do not have grand kids” . Yeah right I am so much bothered about what Sharma aunty thinks about me. And the best one when Sharma aunty sees me and says “ Beta your mom was so much worried that you are not giving good news, please do something, koi problem hai kya” . Oh yeah leave me I am going home and will definitely do something now ;-). Please go get a life. We will have a baby when we need one.

• Complete a family : Now this one you will hear when you already have one child. So now you need another one to complete the picture frame.And when you ask them why you get to hear siblings are generally close to each other and they will take care of each other for life time. So again this taking care comes in the picture, no matter now a days everyone is settled down is different part of country and hardly get the time to talk. But still … And yes if they are close in age wise you wont need anything to entertain them, they will take care of themselves (may be destroying the hosue ;-P)

So above are some funny reasons to have a baby but in practical below should be the questions one should ask her/him self before taking a final decision:

•   Are you both stable emotionally and happy with your life: If you are not happy with your life then please do not get a child in your unhappy life. Chances are you will make him unhappy as well. Understand this is a real life we are talking about not a getting happiness tool.

•  Motive of the baby : You need to have a clear picture about why do you opt for a baby which should not everyone else is having a baby so let me have one too.Baby should be your need/plan, not someone  else’s.

• Are you stable financially: A very practical question which no one wants to ask in India. As general perception is “Are kar lo pal jaayega” . Remember we are talking about a baby not a pet. We can not give it back or leave him if we are unsuccessful in raising. A child needs lot of adjustments in your life style. If you don’t think through you will have tough time accepting them and that will lead to unhappiness.

 And in the last if at all you don’t want a baby or think you can not care for a baby, it is perfectly ok, no need to putting yourself under hammer and agree. But don’t be scared to have a baby as being a parent is really fun, and satisfying in a way you can't fully imagine when you don't have children. Yes, it is a major life change but if it is a well thought decision and you and your spouse are synched then this is a very positive change. The most satisfying thing for a parent is to see a smile on their kid’s face and they forget what all happened throughout the day.

Biscuits - Super energy food - Reality check

“OH MY GOD you don’t give biscuits to your son HAWWWWW, how is he going to get energy” This is the line which I hear so frequently that sometimes I question myself ,oh by mistake did I give birth to a puppy in place of a boy, who cannot survive without biscuits? Then I look at Abhi and say oh thank god it’s a boy who definitely can get energy with normal food.

But this biscuit obsession makes me think is it me who is depriving my son of some high energy nutritious food by keeping him away from this healthy food and making myself fool or this biscuit industry is fooling us. Okey so its time for little research to find out the truth.

First thing which I looked is the ingredients which are required to make a tasty biscuits in general. Lets look at them one by one and see how good are they for my son and what all he is not going to have without eating them.

•  All purpose flour AKA Maida: It is the waste product of wheat where in it is refined to an extend it is polished off all the nutrients and goodness. Maida takes a longer time to digest giving a lot of work to our intestines, so imagine the little intestines which has to put in a lot of work to digest the unwanted Maida.
• High Sugar Content: Which is obviously bad for the tiny teeth and this is the thing which makes everyone addicted to biscuits.
• Fats(Saturated or unsaturated) : All biscuits and processed foods have good amounts of  which helps to retain the shape, taste and texture in them.
• Hydrogenated edible vegetable oil: In general terms it equates to transfat. Process of hydrogenation adds hydrogen atoms to oil, it will reduce the number of unsaturated fatty acids and increase the number of saturated fatty acids in the oil. Consumption of a high level of saturated fatty acids is associated with increasing the level of cholesterol in the blood and this may lead to coronary heart disease. Therefore, as part of a healthy diet, consumers are advised to try to lower their intake of saturated fatty acid.
• Emuslifiers: We can find this in almost all brand ingredients list with different names. Just to give you a quick chemistry refresher, an emulsifier is any substance that encourages the suspension of one liquid in another, like with oil and water. In general terms it’s a artificial food preservative. And a recent study shows direct correlation between emulsifiers and inflammatory conditions such as obesity, metabolic syndrome, and colitis.
• Artificial preservatives: How do you think any packed food can survive in shelf for years when they claim no preservative added. That means our home cooked food should also survive for years as we also don’t add any preservative in that. But that doesn’t happen, why? Simple it’s a lie, in general an eatable cannot survive without preservative for a longer duration.

Hmmm but we only give those biscuits which does not contain above items, really so it time to look at the brands which claims to have healthy ingredients and very suitable for kids

Two claps of each one of you to guess the brand name right:

• Brand one - Most popular brand since ages with a very cute baby on the pack and has a huge market presence since I was a kid myself. I remind you this one is considered as the most super energy food for the kids. Lets have a look at back side of the pack:

          Wheat flour, sugar, partially hydrogenated edible vegetable oil/ edible vegetable oils, invert  syrup, leavening agents, baking powder, salt, milk solids, emuslifiers, dough conditioners, improvers (amylases and other enzymes) and artificial flavours 
            Now I wonder how this biscuit can be sold as a biscuit for children when it contains more hydrogenated oil than edible oil. 

• Brand Two - Here comes the top seller brand for kids with a roaring animal on the pack and promises you to give the energy same as him. And the commercial shows one of our superhero eating the same. Now this really needs to be healthy as after eating this our super hero can kick all terrorists out of country. This one definitely needs a look:

           Wheat Flour(66%), Sugar, Edible Vegetable Oil, Invert Syrup, Liquid Glucose(4.9%), Raising agent(E500(ii), E503(ii)), Salt, Milk solids(0.15%), Emulsifier(E322(i), E471, E481(i)), Calcium salt, Ferrous Salt, Dough Conditioner(E223), Vitamins, Natural flavoring substance, Artificial flavouring substances(Vanilla, Milk)

          Oops it is loaded with artificial preservatives. That is why I think our super hero got the energy  for hunting be it animals or humans. No offense intended please.

• Brand Three -  Now is turn of a very healthy whole wheat digestive biscuit where the very sexy heroine who has a very good aerobics line as well. Now this should prove my thinking wrong as this lady eats this health biscuit and maintains such sexy figure, so this one got to be really healthy and they also says “NO Suger added” WOW. Lets look at it:

          Wheat Flour(40.61%), Whole Wheat flour(18.2%), Edible Vegetable Oil, Sweetener(E965(i), E955), Oligofructose(6.5%), Raising agent(E500(ii), E503(ii)), E170(i)(1.6%), Edible Common Salt, Oatmeal, Emulsifier(E471), Acidity regulator(E296, E450(i)), Antioxidant(E319), Nature- Identical Flavouring Substances(Cereal, Milk, Vanillin)

        Oh Oh why on the earth a product which claims to have whole wheat has two types of flours  “Wheat and Whole Wheat”. This doesn’t seem right. That directly mean we have 40% of maida and  only 18% of whole wheat. That’s ok but it does not have added sugar so what if it has lot of artificial sweeteners added (Sweetener(E965(i), E955).May be that is the reason our heroine can work with so many ghosts without getting scared. No offence intended againFurther research tells me the more number of ingredients which starts from “E” indicates the highest amount of processing. An you can look at the ingredients yourself.



Oh man this list is getting endless with hundred number of brands available in market, but I can guarantee none of them is so healthy as they pretend to be. A general advice “Don’t come in false claims, use your mind”. There are lot of really healthy options available which are easy to cook and tasty too ;) And in the last decision is yours "Puppy or a Baby"

Types of Mom

  “Which type of mom are you”, this is the question I get to hear very frequently. I know it sounds of strange when someone asks type of parent, feels like talking about a car. Which type of car do you own”Auto or Manual”. So back to mothers, we have two different types of Mothers Working and non working (Stay at home moms/SAHM). Based on the answer you will hear different responses and believe me when I say different it means really weird. Lets look at some conversations which I had some days back.

Conversation 1 : In apartment while walking down with Abhimanyu

Lady : Hey you have a cute kid.

Me : Thank you.

Lady: He looks little week but. I never saw you before, how come?

Me : yeah ok, no idea

Lady: Are you working.

Me : Yep

Lady : With a sigh, ah that is why I never saw you.

Me : In my mind, “excuse me I don’t work 24 hours a day in office” and said yeah.

Lady : So how do you cope with your in laws?

Me: I am like what???

Lady : Yeah it is very tough to stay with in laws and listen to their taunts. But poor you no option. some one has to take care of your kid, as you are working.

Me : Again WHAT?? Ok my son goes to day care. My inlaws doesn’t stay in this city. And he is my kid I need to take care of him.

Lady: OHHHH day care. Poor fellow, that is why I was thinking why is he so week. But poor you no option. But how bad are your in laws, its their responsibility to take care of their grand son.

Me : In my mind “NO Vinita NO you are a good girl, you don’t shout and killing is a legal offense, calm down” Yeah, thank you for your concern, I am so touched, by the way whats your name???

YES you all got it right, she was a stranger who was meeting me first time.

Conversation 2: In a party

Lady : Hi My name is “Y”, how are you

Me : hey my name is Vinita, I am good, nice to meet you.

General chit chat continues…

Lady Y: Waw we have lot of common, We can be good friends.

Me : in my mind “ She looks nice, good to talk”. Yeah we surely can.

Lady Y : So what do you in your day time.

Me : I work.

Lady Y : OH you are working. Ok Ok. I used to work previously. But I left when I had my kid.

Me : Ok

Lady Y : Its good you are still working with your kid. Very tough to manage. Actually my hubby wanted me to continue but I said NO my kids are more important than my carrier, so I left. You know it depends on priority. I was very clear from day one “My kid is my priority, rest all comes later”. I am very happy, I can spend quality time with my kid. You know at this age they need their mother most. This is the bonding time with kid. But its good you are working. I cant imagine sending my kid out of sight for whole day. But you know its my choice.

Me : In my mind “ Yeah right for me kid comes in the last, if there is an earthquake I am going to save my laptop first and then my son”

Lady Y : You know I hate when someone else touches my son. I don’t like maids and day care people taking care of my child, so I left. But yeah it depends on priorities.It good you are able to continue your job.

 Me : In my mind “NO Vinita NO you are a good girl, you don’t shout on others and killing is a legal offence, calm down , save me some one please save me” . Yeah

Lady Y: Good you are working, ok I need to feed my kid, you know he doesn’t eat with anyone else hand, he is so habitual of me. Bye.

After that in whole party she never turned back to say hi/bye or any thing. While previously when she didn’t know I am working she wanted to be good friends with me. 

If I start typing all my conversations which I had in past one year I may need to publish a book. 

Come on guys give me a break. If I am able to manage my work and my kid who are you to judge me. It's none of your business that how do I handle both and if I am successful or not. 

 

I am really not sure why there is a fuss about working or non working moms. People need to understand a mom loves her child unconditionally no matter what type of mom she is. We need to stop judging “Oh she is working, that means she don’t love her kid” Oh she doesn’t work “ she is good for nothing, just a house wife. There is nothing called just a house wife, they also work day in day out without even getting recognized. So while I appreciate their efforts, they should also know a working lady also love her kid and home equally like them.

I have seen husbands who want their wives to be a house wife and get all the work done by them, but then they keep crying for money crunch. “OH you know my wife she loves to spend, she always wants to go out on movie/dinner on weekend. I am a sole bread winner you know but she doesnt understand, she is just a housewife”. No offense but they are double minded retards and needs to be eliminated from the society. 

Also mothers who have chosen to leave their job need to be happy about their decision. There is no need of showing off and talking about priorities. 

Abhimanyu loves a poem which says "If you are happy and you know then you really ought to show..." same way if you are happy then please be happy for your self. Don't feel happy by looking at me and think oh look she doesnt love her kid much like me as I left my job.It feels like in place of feeling happy for your decision you are feeling happy that my son is sad (which is not true by the way).

There has to be a balance and we need to know where to draw a line “earning is not only a guy’s responsibility, same way house work is not only for girls.So if no one says leave your job to a father then at the same time they should not expect this from a mother as well.Raising kid is both parent's responsibility as baby is made up of egg and sperm both.

I love when people gives strange expressions for Girish when they see him handling Abhimanyu so efficiently. Yes he does an amazing job as a Dad so am I as a mom.